Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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