Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
