so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
