youre lurking in front of me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
