wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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