She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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