CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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