I wish I could teleport
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
