i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
