I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
bring money and cleavage
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
