I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
