talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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