I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize