I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
