Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
