I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
