My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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