Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
