so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
