dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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