I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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