What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
