I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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