I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
