That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize