then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
