Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
