My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
