Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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