what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
