She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
