who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
