i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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