How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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