my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
