I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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