Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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