Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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