If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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