If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
