So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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