Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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