She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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