anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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