your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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