I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
