Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im six kinds of drunk right now
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
