We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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