I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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