just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
