I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
