i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
