Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
