A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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