I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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