kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
