while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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