I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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